My Life As A Hobby

    I recently went to see Jackson Browne perform at the Alabama Theatre, and a curious thing happened. After the first song, he looked around and said, “I remember this theatre. What a nice place to play music.” It’s a nice place to do most anything. It’s old, it’s ornate, it’s beautiful.  And like a lot of people, going to the Alabama brings back a wheelbarrow full of personal memories. As I looked around, time seemed to melt away.  I came here as a kid. My big sister frequently brought me downtown to catch a Saturday matinee. I’ve  performed standup comedy on this very stage in front of a packed audience.  However, for me, there is one Alabama theater memory that  burns brighter than the neon  marquee out front.  The Alabama was the site of my first date.  (Incredibly, I looked everywhere inside the theatre and didn’t see a plaque marking the occasion.) While many of the details have faded like an old pair of jeans, others I recall quite clearly.  I didn’t start dating until my

  My wife walked in the kitchen, tossed   me a brochure, and said to, “We’ve waited long enough, and now it’s time. I want to go to the Holy Land.”   That’s great!”, I responded. “We’re finally going to Scotland so I can play golf?” She gave me a stare that reminded me of my Mom when she caught me drinking milk from the carton. and said, “No, you idiot. A group from our church is going to Israel and I signed us up.”   I knew this has always been a bucket list for her even though it wasn’t for me. Still, she not only committed us, but put down some earnest money.  So, despite my protests, we headed to the a part of the world I have never been before. I did ask about taking my golf clubs, but that went over like bringing Krispy Kreme donuts to a Weight Watchers meeting.  Israel is a great country to visit if you are an American. Lots of people speak English, they take dollars, and the cultures kind of mesh.  For example, one of the first things I saw was an armed Israeli soldier p

Say It Ain’t So Tony! Oh my Lord. I didn’t want to believe a link a friend just sent me. There is a new flavor of Skittles candy - mustard!  I  repeat - mustard flavored Skittles.  I’m gagging as I type this. Folks, the end times have to be near.  Though not as bad,  Kellogg’s has  introduced additional  flavors of Frosted Flakes cereal - Strawberry Milkshake and Cinnamon French Toast.  My response to this decision is one word, “Ugh!”   In my opinion, this is heresy.  To take a classic cereal that I grew up with like Frosted Flakes, and give it “new” flavors is just wrong to me. And what’s worse, it brings the total number of Frosted Flavors to six.  Six!  Why isn’t one flavor enough?  Oh, I know why they did it - I majored business and spent years in sales. Some guy at the Kelloggs home office in Battle Creek, Michigan did a focus group of a few people and their responses indicated a bump in sales if Tony had some newer, hipper tastes.  Well, my focus group of one says, “Horse hockey!