My Life As A Hobby

  “Those who don’t remember the past are condemned to repeat it.” A chilling dose of reality hit me when I got a wake-up call from my son Brad at 5:30 AM - our first day at Disney.  He wanted to make sure that my wife and I were going to be ready to depart at 6 AM to catch our bus so we could lineup for the early entrance at the Magic Kingdom.   “Why do we have to leave at 6 AM?,” I asked. This seemed to be a legitimate question a normal human being would ask. We were staying inside the park, which meant we were about 12 minutes from the gate. And we were admitted 30 minutes before the general public. So logic tells you that leaving at 7:30 AM should give you more than enough time. But as we all know, the Magic Kingdom doesn’t operate on human logic, but park logic - which never makes any sense.  He answered me like Einstein talking to an elementary school student, adding a dollop of sarcasm. “Because our trip planner told us we need to be waiting at ...

  Dear Coach Saban,   Since I wrote a letter to Kalen DeBore a few weeks ago and gave him some pointers on being in the south, I thought it was only fair to drop you a note and give you a tip or two about the strange new world that you are entering - retirement. Since you’ve  only been at it about 4 months, and because I’ve been at it about 4 years, so you may benefit from my experience. So, listen up, aiiight? I realize that although we both call ourselves retirees, there are some differences between us. For example, I have a nest egg, and you have the whole chicken house.  Once  I was recognized by someone in the local Wal Mart, and you were recognized in the Vatican - by the Pope!  (That’s a joke - I think). Nevertheless, since I’m a bit further down this road than you are, here’s a few pieces of info that will make your transition easier.  Don't forget that acting young is the secret to staying young. We may be older models, but let’s keep the bod...

  I just read an article about a man who was disqualified from a fishing tournament for cheating.  Ya’ll, I think Jesus is coming soon. Fishing is a sport that has long been known for its liars.  Ever heard the term “fish story”? But when people start cheating in fishing tournaments, well that has to mean that this world has become so bad that only Jesus can fix it - and don’t forget, His disciples were fishermen. Look, I don’t fish much - just don’t have the patience - but this story got my interest. So I looked around on the internet and to my surprise, I discovered that cheating does indeed go on during fishing tournaments. In fact, many of them require the winner to take a lie detector test before they award the prize money. I suppose it’s like anything else; when big bucks are involved, bad people are drawn to it - just like politics. In fact, maybe we should require this of our elected officials. On the other hand, lie detectors  probably wouldn’t work on polit...

Here’s a friendly reminder to all of you travelers: your GPS routing system is only as good as the information you put in it. Simply put, if you type in the wrong address, it’s going to take you to the wrong place, not the one you wanted to go.  If there’s not a chapter about this in the book called Traveling For Dummies, there should be.  What the book probably wouldn’t include is this: if your wife is in charge of putting the address in the Google Maps app; and more importantly, if she’s using the “talk to text” feature on her iPhone, you should double check her. I didn’t. And that my friends, is how the address to Walt Disney World, which was supposed to be Maingate Lane, mistakenly became Marianne Lane on her GPS.   Let me elaborate. After about a 10 hour drive, we were on the outskirts of Orlando, so I asked Carol to put in the final directions to the land of the mouse. Great!  The GPS told us we were only 45 minutes away. It had been a long drive, we were t...