My Life As A Hobby

Sometimes you just get lucky.  Recently, I was  asked to speak to a group of senior citizens who were participating in an event called the State Master Games - it’s kind of a senior Olympics. It gave me a chance to share some of my thoughts with them about aging.   These are some excerpts from my talk.  Some are humorous, some are insightful, and hopefully all of them will be entertaining. Here we go:  …What people our age are good at is going to the doctor and describing it to everybody else. If talking about doctor visits was an Olympic sport, everybody in here would be a gold medalist.  …I know I’m officially old now because I’ve started paying attention to commercials that I used to make fun of.  Like that Life Alert advertisement where the lady says,” I’m falling and I can’t get up.” I bet you I wrote 100 jokes for Jay Leno about that -  but now, when I see that ad I go,”Heyyyyyy! Think I could use one of those.”  …I keep trying, though....

        Pop! BOOM! Ohhhhh!     That, my friends, is the sound of two very distinctive holidays: the Fourth of July and New Year’s Eve.     Sure, we’ve got  more important ones. Like Thanksgiving, that glorious holiday of food, football, and silently thinking, “how can I be related to these people?” The thing most of us are truly thankful for is the sight of their relatives backing out of the driveway.     And of course, there’s Christmas, which isn’t really a holiday so much as a season, the season of overspending. Fun fact: the day after Christmas is a holiday that is quietly celebrated at Amazon headquarters. That’s when all their executives hold hands and sing “What a Friend We Have in Jesus.”     However, the Fourth of July and New Year’s Eve stand alone because they’re the only holidays we celebrate with fireworks.     I was about 12 years old when I was allowed to light real fireworks. Not those sissy ...