The Mannequin and the Butcher Knife


There are two kinds of practical jokes. The first kind are planned,  requiring a scheme, and perhaps collusion with others.  The second kind are those that just come out organically - when you hear the voice of that little devil that speaks to us from time to time. That’s the way this one came to be. 

I have repeated this story many times. In fact, before I left this company years ago, they insisted that I re-tell it at my farewell luncheon.  

I worked for a food-broker who sold all kinds of grocery items, including a brand called China Doll.   This company produces bagged rice and beans.   It’s based in Mobile, Alabama, so why their products are called China Doll,  I’ll never know. If you’ve ever bought bags of their rice, you undoubtedly have noticed the Geisha girl on the package. 

Late one afternoon, I went to our warehouse to get some sales samples.  In order to get there, you walked thru our office to a connecting door, then went down a 20 foot hallway that opened into a large storage area.  I turned on the lights, and immediately gasped.  At the far end of the warehouse was a mannequin of a Geisha girl that China Doll had sent in for a trade promotion.  We are talking lifelike.  She was perfectly dressed -  a fan in her hands and a blank look on her face.   After I caught my breath, that little devil in my head spoke to me immediately, saying, “Hey Joe - why not share the scare?”   

I agreed eagerly.  “That’s a great idea!” This wasn’t the first time agreeing with the little devil would get me in trouble. It wasn’t the last time either.  I acted quickly, moving the mannequin closer to the end of the hallway.  That would be enough to scare anyone who cut on the lights.   However, I wanted to take it to the next level.  So, I went to the  kitchen, got the biggest butcher knife we had, and  replaced the Geisha’s  fan with an instrument of murder. It fit snugly in her hand.  I raised her arm over her head.  Perfect. It looked like a scene from Psycho. 

Satisfied, I laughed to myself and shut the door.  I knew it was a time bomb waiting to explode. As I drove home from the office that evening, I wondered 1) who would be the victim of my little prank, and 2) would it scare them.   

I found out early the next morning.  At exactly 8:01, Chuck Reid, one of the owners, barreled in my office.  Without so much as a good morning, he said loudly, “Hobby, dammit, you did it didn’t you?”  This was not a question, it was a statement. 

I answered sweetly,” Whatever do you mean, Chuck?”

He would have none of my BS.  

“Come here,” he said gruffly. 

I followed him down the hallway to the office of Bill Matthews, his partner. I began to think, “Could I get fired for this?“. 

Then I saw Bill with a trace of a smile on his face.  I knew I was ok. Chuck’s faux anger had vanished as well. 

Bill spoke. “You scared the hell out of us last night.  Chuck and I were working late, and about 6:00 the cleaning lady came in to say hello.  Five minutes later,  we heard the loudest, most blood curdling scream you've ever heard.  Then we saw that poor woman running down the hall, yelling at the top of her lungs, ‘She’s gonna kill me! She’s in the warehouse with a big, long knife! Help! Help me, please!”

I couldn’t hold it. I burst out laughing.  

Bill smiled and kept going.  “Well, we went down there with armed with golf clubs and umbrellas. That’s when we saw that Geisha mannequin. “

“And the first words out of my mouth were, “Hobby did this!”, Chuck interjected. 

Bill continued, “I’ve never seen anybody clean up a place this fast. She was gone in about 10 minutes.”

Chuck added, “And I’ll bet she won’t ever be back either. ” 

Word of my little prank got around the office quickly.  A lot of people came by to hear the story directly from the perpetrator. I believe they even left the knife in the mannequin’s hands for most of the day so everyone could see  what almost gave our cleaning lady cardiac arrest.  And of course, I got a story I’ve told for years. 

Oh, one final thing.  Chuck was right.  The next day, we had a new cleaning lady. 

Please like and share! 

#practicaljokes
#ChinaDollRice


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