The Dog That Did Impersations

I proudly admit that one of my favorite movies is Ferris Bueller’s Day Off.  I quote from it regularly because it has so many terrific one liners.  I especially like the one when the snooty Maitre D in the restaurant looks at Ferris  and says, ”I weep for the future!”  This is an obvious, hilarious, statement of his concern about the future generation. 

Ironically, just I heard a story that makes me think that the Maitre D’s statement could  apply to Millennials today.  

I was in the middle of a conversation with my granddaughter when my phone rang.  It was my best friend Richard.  I didn’t answer - granddaughters always take precedence.   However, within 10 minutes he had called three more times. 

And three more times I refused to answer, although I begin to grow concerned that something bad had happened.  After all, we are in our late sixties.  Did he have a heart attack?  Car wreck? Was it COVID?  Broken hip from a fall?  Adult acne?  

So I hit redial, hoping nothing catastrophic had happened.  It hadn’t.  Instead, when he answered my call, Richard was laughing so hard that I thought he needed the Heimlich Maneuver.   Finally he managed to say, “You gotta hear what just happened,” then began laughing again.  It goes without saying that he had my complete attention. 

 

He began. “I was walking Sherman in the dog park just now when two girls, both blondes in their early 20’s passed me.  And then my phone’s    e mail notice went off.”  

I thought, “Uh oh.”   That’s because Richard’s e mail notice is not a harmless chime; instead it sounds like a cat screaming when it’s tail got mashed by a rocking chair.  It’s loud and scary.  Even after hearing it dozens of times it still makes me jump.   

Richard mines this electronic caterwauling  into  practical joke gold whenever the opportunity presents.  Like the time he was walking from a parking deck to a hospital.  When a lady passed him going the other way,  the cat wailed.  Without hesitation, he punched the bag he was carrying and said loudly,”  I told you to shut up!”   The stunned woman could only gasp and say, “Oh my!”

Back to the story. Both girls, sufficiently startled by the sound, turned around and gawked at the dog. Then one of them, let’s call her blonde #1,  earnestly asked what I consider to be an idiotic question.   

“Did he just make that sound?”

“Oh yeah, “Richard responded with a straight face.  “My dog does all kinds of impressions.”  What a comeback.  It was slicker than a dryer sheet on a wood floor.  

In fishing terms, the hook had been set.  She followed up with another doozy, saying, “Wow! Does he do any more?”

This is one of those rare times when opportunity, timing, and creativity all came together in one glorious moment.   As she spoke, Richard noticed that Sherman was peeing on a small bush.  He knew the moment the pup finished,  he would scratch the ground with his back paws, throwing grass everywhere.  Timing his command perfectly, Richard looked down and said, “Sherman, do the Road Runner!”   Almost immediately, the dog began rapidly pumping his rear legs.

Both of them stared in disbelief.  Then Blonde #2 said incredulously, “Shut up!”

Richard said, “He can do a chicken, a duck, a horse.  Lots of them.  But he gets bored easily, so he only does a couple at a time.  Maybe if you come back tomorrow he’ll do some more.” 

“That would be great.”  And with that the girls left, talking excitedly about the amazing thing they had just seen.  Richard waited until they got out of earshot, then burst out laughing and picked up his cellphone to call me. It seems that both parties had a story they would be telling for a long time - but with two very different points of view. 

And when I heard it, I howled with laughter - and then wept for the future.   

 

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