The Student Section - Let The Fan Beware!

 

As I watched college football games this weekend, I couldn’t help but marvel at the students in the stands.  Their passion is the fuel that helps power college football - the greatest sport there is. In the student section, games are more than games - they’re personal, because it’s their school playing on the field. I know - I’ve been there, even though it was years ago. I’ve heard that nowadays it’s calmed down a bit, and I suppose that’s a good thing. However, when I was in school at Alabama, the student section was a cross between the Chicago Cubs Bleacher Bums and the infield at Talladega. When you add the exuberance of youth and cheap bourbon…well, you get the idea. I witnessed heated arguments or even fistfights because two people disagreed on something like a pass interference call. 

Some of the things that went on in the student section were hilarious. I specifically recall an incident that occurred during an Iron Bowl at Legion Field. As was the custom back then, two hours before kickoff the Alabama student section was packed with thousands of undergraduates shaking cheap paper pompoms and taunting Auburn with cheers that would’ve shocked a good Baptist. Not surprisingly, the Auburn students were giving as good as they got. 

Unbelievably, one of my fraternity brothers showed up to the game escorting an Auburn co-ed. Why would you do such a thing?  That’s like bringing Hitler to a Bar Mitzvah. Despite this egregious choice of a date, all of us remained on good behavior, which was quite difficult because of her yelling and excessive use of an orange and blue shaker. She shook it violently any time Auburn made a good play. It reminded me of my Mom with a feather duster.  

Unfortunately, one of my  fraternity brothers sitting beside me was directly behind her. As a result, he was continuously getting pummeled by the shaking pompom.  

Danny was anything but a hothead; instead, he was  calm and polite, especially when the fairer sex was involved. This time was no exception, and he gently tapped her on the shoulder and said, “Excuse me, could you please quit hitting me in the face with your shaker? Thanks”. 

It had no effect.  The pompom continued battering Danny.  Once again, he politely asked the young lady to control her shaker. Once again, it had absolutely no effect. 

Finally, Danny resigned himself to the fact that stronger measures would have to be taken. So during a timeout, he borrowed a Bic lighter, flicked it, and touched it to the thin ribbons of shaker paper.  

Whoosh!  It went up in a ball of flame. Almost before she could gasp, Mrs. Pompom was holding nothing but a smoldering stick. Everyone around her roared with laughter. Her date turned toward Danny, not believing what he just saw. Before he could utter a single word I said,”Hey, he asked her twice.”  That’s one way to get rid of an orange and blue shaker.  

 

But this is a mild incident compared to what happened earlier in the season at an Alabama - LSU game. 

It began at halftime when we noticed a commotion in the stands near in the middle of the end zone.  It was headed towards us like a slow moving wave. However, the people doing this wave were quite angry.  They were throwing programs and popcorn, cursing, and pointing with a particular finger.  All of us knew that LSU fans had a reputation for doing stupid things. Still, what could be causing such a commotion?  

In a few minutes we found out. Two idiotic LSU fans were parading a big sign in front of the us that said,” Can Bear Bryant Walk On Water?  Yes - S*** Floats.” 

This was like telling a Catholic that the Pope was a serial killer. You could feel the hate radiating from the stands. Why didn’t the police stop these fools?  They were about to incite a riot. 

We joined in the chorus of boos and catcalls. However, a guy a few rows below was more than upset - he was apoplectic.  When the sign was directly in front of us, he stood up and screamed,”They can’t say that about Bear.”  Seconds later he hurled a full unopened beer at the perpetrators - from about 40 rows up. 

It seemed to fly in slow motion. I can still remember seeing that can tumble thru the air, praying that it doesn’t hit anyone. Twelve ounces from 40 rows high could really hurt somebody. 

Fortunately, this guy’s aim was true. The beer landed directly in front of the sign and exploded, spewing Old Milwaukee all over the two imbeciles. The crowd cheered, and the cops finally took the sign away. It was about time.  If they had done that earlier, no one would have been in danger. 

I stared at the disturbance down below and shook my head. “Thank God nobody was hurt,” I said. 

One of my frat brothers replied, “Yeah. But I’m wondering how that guy got a half case of beer in the stadium.” 

Only in the student section.  

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