The Wendy Zone

 

“You're traveling through another dimension, a dimension not only of sight and sound, but of taste. A journey into a land without flavor.  That's the signpost up ahead - your next stop, the Wendy’s Zone!”

(Apologies to Rod Serling)

Look, I’m not unreasonable, especially when it comes to fast food restaurants. Any business that relies on mostly high school kids for its labor force deserves a break now and then. But my recent experience at a Wendy’s was over the line - and it wasn’t even the employee’s fault. I’ll be honest - it wasn’t the first time Wendy’s has screwed up.  Our government seems to be run like Wendy’s, so it should come as no surprise to anyone why China is kicking our butts. 

Let’s start with the facts and you be the judge. Yesterday we stopped at a Wendy’s because that Dreamsicle Frosty they have been hawking on TV has been tempting me for weeks.  I thought, “Why not do a quick drive thru? “ Little did I know that decision was about to send me into the fast food Twilight Zone. 

 

Before I could even place my order, a voice from the speaker (which did sound a bit like Rod Serling) blurted, “I’m sorry, we’re cash only right now -  our card machine is screwed up.”  

“That’s no problem,” I said. “I’ve got cash.” Problem solved - but there was another issue  even more difficult than the first. When I asked for a Dreamsicle Frosty, a decidedly not-sorry voice from the speaker responded, I apologize, we are out of those right now.”   

Oh, come on. Wendy’s has spent millions of dollars advertising these things. Didn’t they realize that would increase demand?  Look, everyone knows the McDonald’s milk shake machines only work about once every 5 years.  We’ve adjusted to that. But when you’re aggressively promoting something you don’t have, well, that’s just stupid. About the only thing I’ve heard that was that dumb was when a friend of mine went to Kentucky Fried Chicken and they were out of chicken. This is not a typo. At first, she thought it was a practical joke. However, once she was convinced it wasn’t, she asked them why their doors were even open. I guess on that day, KFC stood for Kan’t Find Chicken. 

My wife Carol shook her head in frustration and said, “Just give me a chocolate one - if they even have it.”  

I turned my attention to the drive thru speaker and placed the alternate order. To my mild surprise, they had them. We headed to the pickup window.  

After a short wait and a cash payment, the employee handed me both Frosties… and two plastic forks. At first I thought it was an innocent mistake.  

“Uh, you gave me forks,” I said. 

“Yeah, we’re out of spoons right now.”  Once again, decidedly unapologetic. 

I shook my head and said, “What is wrong with ya’ll?  This is like a Chinese restaurant giving me chopsticks to eat my soup.”

“Uh, sorry.”

“Have you seen the Dreamsicle Frosty commercial?  It shows them eating the ice cream with a spoon. Wendy’s is guilty of deceptive advertising.”

I think I heard the Twilight Zone theme. 

I drove off without saying another word.  Any further contact with this place was only going to increase the possibility of me having a stroke; or magically transport to an alternate dimension where cash customers only eat their ice cream with a fork.  

All this time Carol is eyeing the Frosty and her, uh, eating utensil. Finally she held both of them up, and said, “What am I supposed to do with this?”  

I replied, “Eat it fast if you like ice cream. Or wait a few minutes if you’d like chocolate milk.”

I’m sure that somewhere, Rod Serling was smiling. 

@wendys#fastfood#dreamsiclefrosty#twilightzone#youcandobetter