A Dinosaur Returns To Campus



Well, in just a few days it’s going to happen. A small number of students at the University of Alabama will discover  that a dinosaur still exists - one that is quite rare, but aren’t quite extinct.   Specifically, this variety of dinosaur walks slowly on two legs, carry’s an iPad., and gets a Social Security check.  The scientific name is Antiquitus Academius, which is commonly known as “very old student”. And if you haven’t guessed,  the dinosaur is me - a 71 year-old man who’s headed back to college. Even though I’m merely auditing a course on magazine writing,  I will guarantee you I’m the oldest student on campus during the fall semester.  


In the world of academia, going back to college school  in your late thirties is considered ancient. At 71, I’m sure to be considered prehistoric. I’m older than the professor, for goodness sake.


Rather than be embarrassed by the situation, I’ve decided to have fun with it. For example,  I’m fully aware that note taking is done almost exclusively with an iPad and an iPen.  And in fact, I will be armed with both of those devices.  But I think I might say to heck with it, and pull out a spiral notebook and a Bic pen with a little flourish.   It will great to watch those darling little 22 and 23-year-olds look at me like a dog staring at a ceiling fan.  They’ll gawk like I came from another century, and they’ll be right, because I did. Perhaps  I’ll even wear my 1975 class ring  to freak them out.  And as we’re leaving class and they’re headed to the student union to get an overpriced latte, I’ll tell them how the Tuscaloosa Taco Bell used to have a $.19 burrito night on Thursdays. If I’m lucky, somehow I’ll work into the conversation how many pills I take each day, and how I’m living with half of a prostate, and no thyroid gland.  If they ask, I’ll even show’em my neck scar.   


Then as they walk away, giggling to each other about what a relic I am, I’ll walk to my  parking spot, get inmy truck, and laugh like hell because they don’t realize I’ve played them.  


I might enjoy this. School’s gonna be fun. 




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