Sore Feet and No Seats



 



    I’ve done some dumb things in my life.  On several occasions I have shown Heisman level stupidity, and I’m embarrassed to say I’ve added another one to my collection. 

    Take this as an official warning. All  y’all planning theme park trips; don’t do this. Don’t be me. Don’t be us.

    I was in Orlando, visiting the Universal Epic Universe theme park, and let me tell you: the only thing “epic” was my epic lapse in judgment that brought me to wait in line of a particular roller coaster.  

    It was in Nintendo Land, and I spent over  2½ hours  waiting for a ride called Mine Car Madness. The only madness was the wait in line. To be fair, they told us it was “135 minutes.” And like geniuses, we nodded and said, “Sounds reasonable.” Apparently, we collectively forgot that 135 minutes is basically the run time of Titanic. The sign at the entrance said, “you must be to this tall to ride.”  It  should’ve said, “you must be this dumb to wait this long.”  

    That is a while to be standing.  It would be different if they had benches we could sit on while we were in line. But no. I suppose they think benches are for quitters or weaklings. Call me a wimp, but standing on concrete for almost three solid hours doesn’t quite seem appropriate for people who have paid big money for this kind of enjoyment.  And it’s kind of demeaning.  Several thousand of us were steered thru a series of chutes like cattle waiting to get dipped for ticks.

    Nearly two hours in, they announced a 40-minute delay. My feet immediately filed a formal complaint. Not a verbal one - no, these suckers went into full riot mode. They were  hopping mad.  Trust me: you do not to get your feet angry. Your feet are like wives. They never forget, and will remind you of your misdeed forever. 

    At this point, our entire group was as ill tempered as an infant without a nap, and with good reason. When you have only one day in the park and you spend almost three hours of it standing in line, it becomes a Universal Epic Fail in every measurable category: time wasted, physical pain, patience lost, and money down the drain. 

    Finally came the ride. It was…decent; not much more than ninety  seconds long.  When it finished, I laughed out loud.  All the waiting for that?  I’ve waited longer for my toast to pop up in the morning, and that doesn’t require an appointment with the podiatrist afterward.

    I learned my lesson; I thought all of us did. As  we walked away everyone agreed that we would never stand in line that long for an amusement park ride. That is, until later in the day, when they saw the Harry Potter ride had a 120 minute wait.  Group psychology won out, and everyone headed to the queue. 

    Everyone but me. They may have short memories, but my feet sure don't. And I have to live with them every day. #waitinginline#universalstudios#addsomeseats

    


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