Let’s Make A Deal - Or Not!

There are some people who just have a knack for doing certain things better than everyone else.  For example, when it comes to buying cars, my friend Richard Petty is one of the best. No, it’s not that Richard Petty.  But it’s no coincidence that his name is synonymous with automobiles because this man can negotiate car deals.  If buying new cars was an Olympic sport, he’d be a gold medalist.  He just finished purchasing one yesterday, and I truly wished he’d worn a GoPro camera.   Fortunately, I did get a blow by blow account of the proceedings via live texts he was sending me.  I was entertained for a couple of hours. 

I’m sure after he’s finished striking a deal Richard has to smoke a cigarette.  He’s like a vampire. I don’t think he needs the vehicle, he just periodically needs to feed off an automobile salesman.  Unlike most carbon based life forms who detest buying cars and haggling with salespeople, Richard loves it.  Stories abound of his showroom antics. And I will sit and listen to them like a Boy Scout around a campfire.  

Surprisingly, his wife Cheryl accompanied him last night.  I’m sure that’s because the car he was buying was for her. Otherwise she would’ve been a no show.  Years ago, she swore that she would never go back with him to a dealership after he tore up a check and walked out twice. 

I haven’t bought that many automobiles over the course of my life because  I had company cars.  So when it was time to buy a new car for my wife for the first time in a while, I consulted Richard.  I needed Yoda to impart his knowledge to young Skywalker.  We sat down to talk, I felt like Kenny Rogers in his song, The Gambler.

“…The night got deathly quiet, and his face lost all expression. He said  you’re gonna play the game boy, you’ve got to learn to play it right.”

Richard has a number of rules that he follows when shopping for a car.  I’ve listed a few of them below: 

Rule #1:  You are empowered if you don’t have to buy the car you’re considering. Saying no is always easier if keeping your current vehicle is an option. Note:  if you must buy a car, under no circumstances are you to let the salesman know it. 

Rule #2:  You must remove emotion from the transaction.  It’s a business deal. Don’t get caught up in the color or an option.  That weakens your position.  Stick to your plan. Remember, there’s  always another car out there. If you walk away, you’ll undoubtedly find something else.  

Rule #3:  He calls this the Five Dollar Rule.  No matter how close you are to an agreement, if it’s not where you need to be, say no. Richard told me that last night the deal almost fell apart because it was about $5 a month too high.  The salesman couldn’t believe it, but after dealing with Richard for a while, he knew it wasn’t a bluff. “Kia has more money than I do,” Richard said to him.

Rule #4: When negotiating, always remember that product and services will favor the dealer.  For example, if they are charging you $75 for an oil change, it may only cost them $35. Focus on these kind of concessions because they should be easier to come by.  It’s a win - win. 

Rule #5:  Never, ever let the salesman know how much is in your budget.  In addition, when they give you a price, don’t counter with a number.  Once you’ve done that, you’ve inadvertently given them valuable information. 

This isn’t a rule, but it goes without saying that you should do your research on the internet.  

How did it finally end?  He got a $19,000 trade in for a car with 50,000 miles that he bought two years ago… for $19,000. 

He got a 36 month total maintenance package complete with car washes.  

He asked for and received a $700 discount for car mats, cargo bay netting, and a floor liner he didn’t want.  He told them to take them out and drop the price. They left the mats and gave him the discount.  He’s going to sell them on e Bay. 

The pricing, interest, and monthly payment was  exactly what he had targeted. 

And the cherry on the sundae was when he got a vial of touch up paint.  Richard was quick to point out that this was a $30 value, which more that fits his Five Dollar Rule.  Not bad for someone buying a car in what’s widely considered to be a seller’s market.  

I’m sure if there were more Richards prowling around car lots, the no-haggle pricing dealerships would have been invented 40 years ago - for their own protection. 

Once again, to paraphrase The Gambler: 

“You’ve got to know when to squeeze them - know when to tease ‘em - know when to walk away - know when to run. You never hand them money until you’ve gotten free oil changes.  That’s when you finally know the deal is done.”

Or, when they throw in a free tube of touch up paint. 

Joe Hobby is a stand up comedian, an author, and a blogger. Visit https://mylifeasahobby.blogspot.com/?m=1. for more.  

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