My Life As A Hobby

I walked thru the empty parking lot until I got to the  glass doors, and then I entered  the lobby.  It had been a long time since I was here, and the minute I walked inside I wanted to click the heels of my sneakers together and say, “There’s no place like home.” That’s because the Stardome in Birmingham is my comedy home.  Since people in Alabama like to take pride in every good thing we have, let me clue ya’ll in on something else you can brag about: The Comedy Club at the Stardome is hands down one of the best comedy venues in the country.  It has a near legendary status with comedians.  Once I was in a club in New York City, and when one of the comics discovered that the Stardome was my home, he begged for help to him get booked here. I still laugh when I think of someone from the Big Apple wanting desperately to perform in Birmingham.  Of course, the Stardome is the third installment of a comedy club here. In 1992, a fire during a huge winter sto...

  It bothers me that so many people make fun of the way we speak in the south.  Look, I get it, we talk slow and take some liberties with the English language - but, give me a break. Every region of this country has their own peculiar words, phrases, and pronunciations. From “wicked good” in Massachusetts, to “gnarly” in California, you’ll find them everywhere. Once, when I was in New England, one of my buddies said he wanted to go to lunch and get a grinder. I thought we were headed for Home Depot. Imagine my surprise when I discovered  he was talking about a sandwich. Then there was the time I asked for a drink of water in Wisconsin, and someone directed me to a bubbler, or as we call it, a water fountain. Part of our problem comes about because southerners have a curious habit of using one word as a noun or a contraction, depending on the sentence. A great example is the word “ tail ” - as a noun, that’s an appendage on a dog or a cat.  But it’s also a contraction...

We got a new oven today.  It’s one of those sleek, stainless steel jobs.  Just looking at its simple design, you get the impression that it would be a snap to operate.  And you would be wrong. The only way to effectively work this device is to have a doctorate in engineering and a bottle of Valium. It has an instruction manual that’s 68 pages long.  I don’t think an instruction manual for the F-14 Tomkat fighter jet has that many pages.  Lest you forget: the Tomkat is made to attack and destroy our enemies while it’s flying at supersonic speed.  All I want to do is cook a pot roast.  Aside from all the technical hooey, the manual has some great advice all new oven owners need - important reminders like don’t use the oven door as a seat, and wear proper clothing while operating the oven. So I guess all those times I was reheating a hamburger in the microwave while wearing my underwear was a mistake.  Here’s another biggie: do not heat corrosive che...