Say What?

 It bothers me that so many people make fun of the way we speak in the south.  Look, I get it, we talk slow and take some liberties with the English language - but, give me a break. Every region of this country has their own peculiar words, phrases, and pronunciations. From “wicked good” in Massachusetts, to “gnarly” in California, you’ll find them everywhere. Once, when I was in New England, one of my buddies said he wanted to go to lunch and get a grinder. I thought we were headed for Home Depot. Imagine my surprise when I discovered  he was talking about a sandwich. Then there was the time I asked for a drink of water in Wisconsin, and someone directed me to a bubbler, or as we call it, a water fountain.

Part of our problem comes about because southerners have a curious habit of using one word as a noun or a contraction, depending on the sentence. A great example is the word “tail” - as a noun, that’s an appendage on a dog or a cat.  But it’s also a contraction we use when we’re asking someone something. “Hey, Vernon, what tail you doing’?”  

What about Eggo? It’s a breakfast waffle.  But, in the south, it’s also used as a contraction when you hand somebody something. 

“Hey, gimme me that ratchet, Darlene. ”

“Eggo.”

We’re just beginning.  A yawn can be a noun that describes opening your mouth and inhaling deeply. However, southerners will use yawn as a contraction: “Billy Ray, when you turn 21, you’re out of this house. Then yawn yawn!”

As in other parts of the country, if we don’t have a word, we will make one up. And we have some doozies. My Dad created a great one. He called any kind of gizmo or gadget a farencer.  It should be in the dictionary. 

I think most southerners will agree that the made-up words cattywhompus and whoppyjawed can be used interchangeably to describe something that’s askew. If you want to say someone’s confused, in the south that’s bumfuzzled.  Which can also mean that someone’s cornbread’s might be soft in the middle. 

When I was a kid, I got in big trouble when I tumped over a glass of grape juice on the sofa.  Tumped is decidedly southern. Tipped over and dumped - that’s tumped.   As I recall, that juice stain rurnt one cushion. Yes, rurnt. That has always reminded me of a sound a chain saw makes when your trying to start it.  By the way, I don’t know what we told Mama’nem. 

One thing I’ve never understood about southern-speak is why some of us will put an “r” in a word that not’s there. I don't warsh my car or go to Chicargo - but some of us do. 

And I do understand how stringing several of these words together with a southern accent would confuse somebody who’s not from round here. 

“What tail did you do? Tump that over? Quick, get a warsh rag, or it’s gonna be rurnt. Lord, what will your Mama’nem say?  I swear, I’ll be glad when yawn yawn.” 

Of course there are a number of words we use liberally that are rarely used in other places. Once someone from the north said to me, “When I come down south I hear words I’ve never heard before.”  I replied, “Like please and thank you, you’re welcome,  yes sir, yes ma’am,  may I.  Those kind of words ya’ll don’t understand?

He didn’t know what to say.  I guess he was bumfuzzled.