Fry Me To The Moon

 

I was born in the south. And I live in the south. That means I eat fried food - me and about everybody else down here. Oh sure, I look on a restaurant menu and see where they offer grilled fish or chicken. They even charge more to grill it.  But most southerners like it fried.

You can’t name a food we haven’t dipped in batter and dropped in grease.  The examples are almost endless: potatoes, chicken livers, ice cream, pickles, Oreos, Twinkies, donuts, and bread (aka hush puppies). We’ve even fried butter and gummy bears. 

However, everyone knows that the king of fried food is, of course, chicken.  There’s even a National Fried Chicken Day. Maybe after that there should be a National High Cholesterol Day.  But who cares about HDL or LDL when you take your first bite?  Ah, that crunchy outer coating which gives way to perfect, tender chicken. 

That’s why we love fried food so. Scientists have actually studied it, and discovered that it’s a process. First, there’s the crunch, then the melt in your mouth sensation, and finally, the release of the flavor. Furthermore, they discovered that the chemistry of frying has an effect on fried foods, contributing to greater sensual stimulation, and satisfying our psychologically driven cravings. I don’t know how much it cost to come up with those “findings”, but I could’ve told them that without any study.

To be fair, there are some misguided people who are an exception to the rule. I have a friend who doesn’t eat fried anything. Every piece of protein he consumes is grilled.  Even veggies are included in his no-fry list, meaning he doesn’t eat french fries, onion rings, fried okra, or fried green tomatoes. In addition red meat, pork, eggs and dairy are a no-no. And as you might’ve guessed, nothing can stop him from his daily run. Think about it - he will never know what it’s like to bite into a crispy piece of catfish. This guy shouldn’t be criticized as much as he should be pitied. However, he will eat about half a key lime pie after one of his “healthy meals”, so perhaps there’s still hope for him. 

Once we had a discussion about our respective eating habits, and he said rather smugly,” I’m going to outlive you.”

To which I responded, ”If you call that living.” 

Which I don’t. 

On the opposite end of the spectrum, we have a new pastor at our church who was not only born and raised in  South Korea, but had never been below the Mason Dixon line. When we took him to his first lunch, I happily introduced him to fried catfish, fried okra, and hush puppies.  After he took his first bite, all I saw was the top of his head until his plate looked like it had been cleaned in the dishwasher.  Then he wanted to know when we could come back so he could try the fried chicken livers. It’s feels so good to make a convert, y’all.  

The late, great comedian James Gregory, used to say that we should eat more fried food, not less. He thought the grease would keep everything in our body lubricated and running smoothly. Maybe he was on to something. For example, we have a lady in our church, Doris, who is going strong at ninety eight.  She has lived her life eating southern cuisine, including copious amounts of fried food, gravy, butter, sugar, and bacon grease. My kind of girl.  

She recently went in for a checkup and was chided by her physician about her cholesterol. Doris looked at him and said, “Doctor,I’m ninety-eight years old.  How old are you?”

“Uh, fifty-seven.” He replied. 

“I win.”, she said.  

Game, set, match. Pass me that fried drumstick, please.