Southerners Beware! It’s Fake Spring!

It struck me when I was driving on a little back road near my house.  There in a small, well kept yard several forsythia were blooming.  (aka Yellow Bells).  Amid the unraked leaves the shrubs stood, flanking the dormant  Bermuda grass.  Their bursts of bright yellow were in sharp contrast to the muted colors all around them.  I’ve seen this before and I knew what it meant. Fake Spring is here.


Fake Spring is a season that most Southerners are aware of, but don’t pay any attention to.  All they have to do is look around - the signs are everywhere.   It’s not just forsythia. Lots of plants are fooled by Fake Spring.  They start blooming, only to be frozen during the proverbial “Cold Snap”.   Look around.  Check the blooms!  You’ll see tulip trees, red buds, purple thrift, and last and certainly least, Bradford pear trees.    


 By the way, I’m not a fan of the Bradford pear. They’re not natural looking and they’re not pretty. They bloom too early, they seem to be in everyone’s yard, and as most homeowners with a chainsaw will tell you, a good strong wind will rip the limbs right off the trunk.  And be careful!  These so-called trees have thorns sharper than a wolverine’s claws.  South Carolina has outlawed these landscaping horrors, and every other self-respecting southern state should too. Get rid of them - along with snakes, spiders, and alligators.


I digress.  Fake Spring fools people too.  Well meaning men and women will go to Lowes and buy $537 worth of Impatiens , dig 175 holes, and lovingly place their new plants in the ground. Then the Cold Snap strikes again.  Here’s a PSA - don’t plant those tomato plants yet!   


Everyone should know about Fake Spring by now.  But I think people are so tired of winter that they just lose their minds. There are folks wanting to make homemade ice cream on a 78 degree March day, only to be huddled around a bowl of chili 24 hours later when the high is 31.  I’ve seen golfers in late February begin their round in shorts and short sleeve shirts.  Four hours later, they’re walking up the 18th hole dressed like they’re with Admiral Byrd on an expedition to Antarctica.  


And now it’s here. That sneaky, put on your shorts, but have your winter coat handy, season is upon all of us. Think I’m kidding?  Today the high is 66. Tomorrow snow is in the forecast.  Beware!  


There is one good thing about Fake Spring though. It means Real Spring’s not far behind it.  


Gotta go now.  I’m gonna put on my shorts and T shirt and head to the store to buy some milk and bread. 


Please like and share!


#bewareoffakespring

#realspringiscoming

#asouthernthing


Visit my blog for other stories: Mylifeasahobby@blogger.com

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

God & The Rolling Stones

Image
  “'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future. '” —  Jeremiah 29:11 .  It’s not often that I put a plan together that works. Normally, anything I come up with will almost certainly go awry, and that’s certainly how one of my latest schemes  began.  Amazingly, shortly after this plan of mine began to unravel, it turned 180 degrees and became one of the best things I’ve ever done. So, as a believer, I feel like that the Almighty had His hand in this - even if it was a Rolling Stones concert.  I still maintain that it was a good idea. The minute Stones concert tickets went on sale, I bought two pair - for us and another couple. Then greed took over my soul and I decided to speculate and buy four more tickets to sell at a ridiculous profit. If I played my cards right, I might have made enough money to buy a Maserati, or even a shopping basket full of groceries....
Read more

Joe Willie, Finebaum, And Me

Image
  When my cell phone rang, the name on the screen flashed Paul Finebaum. This wasn't an unusual occurrence because I had been writing jokes for Paul to use at his many speaking engagements.   We also occasionally ate lunch together.   No death threats please - I like Paul. While I don’t always care for his schtick, I know he’s not like his radio persona.  For example, once during a conversation, I told him how much I liked Pat Conroy, the great southern author. A few weeks later, Paul called me and said, “I’ve got Conroy on the show tomorrow. Why don’t you come up and meet him?  You can talk to him during the commercial breaks.”  An act of kindness I’ve never forgotten.   I digress. Unusual call or not, my curiosity was piqued. I picked up my cell, and after some chit-chat, Finebaum told me why he phoned.  “You know about that charity roast of me coming up in a couple of weeks?”  Of course I knew. The airwaves had been hawking it for ov...
Read more

Back In The Saddle Again

Image
I never officially retired from comedy.     I kind of faded into the sunset.  I suppose I could trace the time back to when Jay Leno quit the Tonite Show.  He tried to help me get together with Jimmy Fallon, but it just didn’t work out. And when I stopped writing jokes every day for Jay,  maybe the sense of urgency to “think funny” stopped.      But I firmly believe that the cumulative effect of my son’s drug addiction, coupled with him being shot, arrested, and spending 7 years in a federal prison, caused something to die in me.  It was comedy. What used to be a burning desire to write and perform shrunk to a pilot light. It didn’t seem to matter anymore. I have told close friends that dealing with all the problems my son had raped me of my spirit.  It was collateral damage from his drug use. Addiction sucks.   So, aside from the occasional smart alec remark on social media, I left comedy alone.  Oh, I would occasionally find ...
Read more