Chainsaws - The Sound of the South

I’m pretty sure that most southerners own chainsaws. Think I’m kidding?  Just check out any neighborhood after a tornado or wind-related event.  There are so many people walking around with chainsaws that you’ll think you’re watching a bad horror movie. 

Personally, I’ve always had a fear of chainsaws, which I think is healthy.  Anything that can sever fingers, toes, and limbs as easily as a branch from a pine tree deserves some respectful apprehension. Plus, not only do they look and sound scary, but that chain of death spins too close to the hands for me.  

Chainsaws never seem to work very well for long periods of time. I almost always see someone sitting on a log tinkering with them. When I ask them what’s wrong, the answer’s inevitably, “It’s the chain.” Maybe it’s too loose, maybe it’s too tight, maybe you need to take a link out of it, or put more oil on it. The chain invariably gets the blame. Maybe it’s because, like me, they have no idea what they’re doing. 

Starting chainsaws can be a pain in the arm too. Repeatedly yanking the cord on a cold-natured 2 cycle engine can quickly get you an appointment with an orthopedic doctor.  In the meantime, you end up flooding the carburetor, which means the saw has to sit for a few minutes while the gas dissipates. Of course, that gives you more time to fiddle with the chain.  

Years ago, my best buddy and I used to visit new subdivisions and cut up the felled trees for firewood. Buying firewood was out of the question because neither of us had much money.  Since he used to cut trees for a living, his responsibility was the chainsawin’, while I hauled the cut logs to the truck. That was just fine with me because I value my digits and limbs. 

Several years ago, my wife’s grandmother gave me a small electric chainsaw that belonged to her grandfather. Although I appreciated her act of kindness, I doubt she would’ve gifted it to me if she knew that I feared those things as much as I do a water moccasin. However, after a period of time, I decided to face my fear and learned how to respectfully operate it.  I even worked on the chain. Finally, I progressed to a small gas powered saw that I still own. It’s cold natured and I constantly have to fool with the chain because it just won’t stay tight.  And I’ve never managed to sharpen it correctly because I can’t seem to get the saw to cut evenly.  Some folks just seem to have a knack for saw sharpening - I’m not one of those people. 

Last Christmas I got a tiny, battery operated chain saw.  The blade is only four inches long, making it perfect for trimming brush and limbs. Even though it looks like it was made by Mattel, I have to constantly remind myself that this baby saw is more than capable of inflicting some serious damage on its human operator. 

Of course, learning to use a chainsaw is done thru trial and error - in my case, it was mostly error. The first time I cut a tree down by myself, I notched the wrong side and it fell across the driveway, destroying a part of our fence. I still haven’t figured out how a tree leaning to the right could fall to the left.  But, I counted myself lucky. If my wife had been home, the tree would’ve destroyed her car. Believe me, that would’ve cost me a lot more than money. 

After I could safely operate a saw, I will admit that when it’s properly running (with a correctly sharpened chain) it’s an incredible tool.  The chain almost glides through the tree, spraying sawdust which creates that wonderful aroma of freshly cut wood. You can do more with a chainsaw in an hour than a man can do in a day with an ax. 

Unless you have to repair a section of a smashed fence.