Dirty Santa, aka Merry Christmas, Suckers!


I recently went to a Christmas party with 50 little old ladies between the age of 70 and 107. At some point after the meal, they began to play Dirty Santa. If you’ve never heard of this game before, it’s a blend of gift giving, greed, and WWE wrestling. Some historians think it was invented by the Romans to torture their prisoners before they were fed to the lions. And sitting and watching the game progress, it would be hard to disagree. I had no idea sweet grandmas could be so ruthless.    


This is how it works:  everyone brings a gift worth a certain dollar value, carefully wrapped. The first person chooses a present. Then the second person chooses a present, and can keep it, or trade it for the first person’s gift. And so it goes until a gift has been traded about  3 times, or everyone has something they are happy with.  That’s difficult because there are always some really bad gifts. 


I’m told this year’s edition of Dirty Santa was quite civil compared to previous ones. Someone claimed that a few years ago a fight broke out between two people who both wanted a decoration that said Peace On Earth. And today, a battery operated lamp was quite popular; as a result it was vigorously traded back and forth.  I began to believe if two cougars pushed each other a bit too far, a catfight could erupt.   As if isn’t there enough hate in the world, let’s generate more of it by having people take things from one another. 


What’s worse, a few of the elderly ladies couldn’t get out of their seats fast enough to trade a present,  so they were stuck with what they had until somebody who’s more mobile comes along and trades it away from them. 


At least everyone was sober.  I’ve been at parties where Dirty Santa and alcohol is involved.  That’s like throwing napalm on a campfire.


Finally, the game ended, and most everyone seemed happy except for the person who had the battery operated lamp taken from her the last time.  She seemed to be sulking. 


Southern Living says the purpose of the Dirty Santa game is to build Christmas cheer. That can happen I suppose, but human nature being what it is, there is always the possibility of pettiness, anger, and sophomoric behavior. 


Why there’s such a ruckus is beyond me. Most of these folks are at a stage in life where they want to get rid of clutter and, to me, a $10 Christmas something ain’t nothing but clutter.


But I will admit that lamp’s gonna look nice on my holiday mantle. 


#dirtysanta #christmasparties 

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