Ode To A Hamburger

 

Anyone that knows me -  for that matter, anyone that sees me, can tell that I enjoy food. I rarely meet a meal that I don’t like. My affinity for barbecue is well documented. And I’ve often said that if I lived in New Orleans with its cheap liquor and Cajun food, I would be a 400 pound alcoholic.  So, it should come as no surprise to anyone that I love hamburgers. Just listening to Jimmy Buffet sing about them makes my mouth water. And I’m not the only one - the average American eats 150 hamburgers per year. 

It began early in life. Maybe I watched too many Popeye cartoons that featured Wimpy.  When McDonald’s first arrived in Birmingham, I made sure that my mom took me to that arched mecca as often as she could.  Sure, it was just a basic McDonald’s hamburger, but I loved them nonetheless.  On the Fourth of July when my dad would grill enough chicken and pork to feed a Mormon family, I always persuaded him to put a couple of beef patties on the fire so I could have a burger.  

I have been lucky enough to eat hamburgers all across this great land.  And I’ve had some great ones. One of my personal highlights was eating a Juicy Lucy in Minneapolis. It sounds dirty - but it isn’t. The name is actually quite accurate.  The center of the beef patty is filled with a handful of cheese which melts inside as the meat is cooked on a flat top. It’s an invention I rank right up there with the wheel. 

Fortunately for me, I’ve discovered that one of the best hamburgers I’ve ever eaten is in a place not too far from my home. This is like a kid discovering that he lives close to Disney World. It’s called the Greasy Spoon at the Greasy Cove in Gallant, Alabama. 

It’s not only located in the middle of nowhere, but it’s hidden inside a produce stand. If you didn’t know what’s inside you’d drive right by it. This is unusual, but not unprecedented. For example, my favorite barbecue spot on earth is in Kansas City, inconspicuously attached to a convenience store. 

The Greasy Spoon isn’t a 100% burger joint, but it definitely has joint/dive tendencies, which only adds to it’s appeal. That’s because I’m a dive and joint kind of guy.  Once you’ve walked past the baskets of tomatoes, okra, and nectarines, you go thru a rickety door and find yourself in an low-ceilinged area with about 8 mismatched tables and chairs. They’ve made some improvements inside, but the uneven floor gives its age away. Keep in mind my theory on joints; they don’t usually remodel - they just add on. 

But I’m not here for the atmosphere. It’s the hamburger, baby.  Bubba, the owner, told me their patty is 80% sirloin and 20% ribeye steak. It’s hard to go wrong from there – and they don’t. It’s perfectly seasoned, and then put on a flat top, which is truly the only way to properly cook a burger. With the fresh bun, onions, lettuce, pickles, mustard, and ketchup, one bite sends me into a gastronomic swoon. Add hand cut fries or homemade onion rings, and you’ll be lucky if you can make it home for a nap. 

And as if it couldn’t get any better, on Fridays and Saturdays they have homemade ice cream. Yep, while people wait on their burgers, a giant old-fashioned  churn contentedly whirs in the corner. The flavors change weekly, but if they have banana pudding ice cream, stop what you are doing and head up there!  My daughter-in-law said it is the best thing she’s ever eaten. I can’t argue with her. When you top off your burger with ice cream, I guarantee you will be in a blissful food coma that may last for days. I can only hope that my doctor is not reading this post.  

On our latest trip to the Greasy Cove we used more common sense than any other time we had been there. We had the sandwiches cut in half and shared the ice cream. My wife went off script and ordered a fried boloney sandwich. Don’t judge - this isn’t grocery store baloney with a red band around it; this baloney comes from  Germany, is cut into an inch thick slice, grilled, and put between slices of Texas toast. We shared half of each other’s sandwich, and put a good portion in a to-go box.  

As we were about to leave, we noticed a couple with their young son, who sat down behind us. Clearly first timers.  I waited until they took their first burger bite and smiled as expressions of bliss washed  over their faces. At that point, I  told them about the ice cream - the flavor was vanilla with ground up ice cream cones and KitKat candy bars. 

And just like that, a new set of disciples was born. 

#GreasyCove#GreasySpoon#bestburger