My Life As A Hobby

I just read that a couple of states have official toys.  I don’t get it.  I’m not sure why a state has to have an official anything, but they do. Out of curiosity, I checked and my home state of Alabama has all kind of official things: an official motto, official tree, official nut, official bird, official insect, official song, official gemstone and even an official fair.  But no official toy - yet.  Kansas was the first state to claim an official toy; an Etch A Sketch - which was invented and manufactured in Ohio.  I don’t get it. That makes about as much sense as having an official toy in the first place. Mercedes are made in Alabama, and they’re considered German cars. It just wouldn’t be right for us to claim them. Besides, the official vehicle of Alabama should be an old pickup truck.   Mississippi made the Teddy Bear their official toy a few years ago.  Unlike Kansas, at least they have some kind of connection to the toy.  The Teddy Bea...

  Dear Coach DeBoer,   I would like to welcome you and your family to Alabama, both the university and the state. I hope that we can share many wonderful years together. I know you haven’t spent much time in the Deep South, so I’ve decided to  generously give you a few pointers, some tips that should help you as you get to know us.  My first suggestion to you is when someone from Alabama asks where you are from, tell them that you’re from the south – South Dakota. And then say something about your accent.  A bit of self- depreciating humor will really get you off on the right foot with folks down here.  And  please don’t be offended if people initially mispronounce your name. DeBoer sounds a lot like da beer as in, “Hey Verne, hand me da beer!”  This is a phrase used frequently in our state.  I know you’ve probably been eating a lot of healthy food in the northwest like grilled salmon.  Not so much here. In Alabama, most of the fish we e...

  When I first get out of bed,  I do what I always do - go over my pain checklist. Lower back, yep. Right hip, ouch. Right elbow, oooooh. Right shoulder, owww.  Left foot, ohh. Yep, it’s another typical morning.  I told the doctor at my last check up I think the warranty on this body has expired. I’m sure aches and pains are just a natural by-product of the aging process, but it’s hard to understand. During my younger years, only excessive exertion would cause soreness. An especially hard workout at the gym was sure to make me a little stiff the next day. Now, every morning without fail, I wake up sore. Apparently, sleeping seven hours is too much exertion for me.  My wife says the pain happens because I “slept on it wrong”. That is a term no one under the age of 40 has ever heard or said before - I slept on it wrong. It’s a thing for people over fifty.  For example, now if I sleep with a pillow is a half inch too high, I’ll have a crick in my neck the next...