The Official State Toy



I just read that a couple of states have official toys.  I don’t get it.  I’m not sure why a state has to have an official anything, but they do. Out of curiosity, I checked and my home state of Alabama has all kind of official things: an official motto, official tree, official nut, official bird, official insect, official song, official gemstone and even an official fair.  But no official toy - yet. 


Kansas was the first state to claim an official toy; an Etch A Sketch - which was invented and manufactured in Ohio.  I don’t get it. That makes about as much sense as having an official toy in the first place. Mercedes are made in Alabama, and they’re considered German cars. It just wouldn’t be right for us to claim them. Besides, the official vehicle of Alabama should be an old pickup truck.  


Mississippi made the Teddy Bear their official toy a few years ago.  Unlike Kansas, at least they have some kind of connection to the toy.  The Teddy Bear was invented after Teddy Roosevelt went bear hunting in Mississippi. Thank goodness he wasn’t hunting possums.  Teddy Possums just doesn’t have a good ring to it. 


Maybe states should have official toys. Why not?  That way, the lawmakers in every state can waste even more time with frivolous legislation.  I’ll generously offer a few   suggestions. 


California - Barbie. 


It’s perfect. A blonde with a vacant stare and plastic breasts who lives in a Malibu beach house and has no visible means of support. That’s a no brainer  - just like Barbie.  


Washington D.C - Transformers. 


Like my grandfather said , “It doesn’t matter who you vote for because if they’re good when they go in, they’ll be crooked when they come out.” By the way, Transformers narrowly beat out Monkey Bars. 


Alabama - Rubik’s Cube


With a Rubik’s Cube, you fiddle with it, fool with it, try to change it around, and eventually get frustrated because you can’t figure it out. Just like Alabama’s  state Constitution.


0klahoma - Twister. 


‘Nuff said. 


Florida - Slinky. 


Slinky claims it can easily go down a flight of stairs. But everyone knows it really can’t - like most of the retired folks in Florida. 


Colorado - The Pet Rock.  


A pet rock just sits there and does nothing. It’s a fine match for the state with legalized marijuana. 


Minnesota - Frisbee. 


It’s great outdoor fun in the summer, but not in the winter. 


Texas - Mouse trap. 


Remember Mouse Trap?  You went through countless gyrations, all to catch one mouse. That has to be what their border patrol feels like. 


 Nevada - Nintendo.  


You play a game for hours and when you finally get up, you have nothing to show for it. 


Georgia - Hot Wheels.


Anyone who’s been on I-285 in Atlanta understands. It’s NASCAR with minivans. 


New Hampshire - Chess. 


Honestly, I just randomly came up with this one. I have no idea what  New Hampshire does. 


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Water Aerobics - H2 Oh - No!

Image
Since I had knee surgery earlier this year, I’ve been looking for a low impact method of exercise.  Actually, my wife has been looking for me. My choice was no exercise - that’s low impact, right?  Of course, she  completely ignored my comments and promptly enrolled me in her water aerobics class at the YMCA.  I should've reported her to the DHR.  Whoever paired exercise with swimming pools should be forced to wear a Speedo that’s three sizes too small.  Pools are made for slothful activities like sunning on a lounge chair, or hanging on the side with an adult beverage in hand. Swimming laps or diving (unless it’s a cannon ball), should be against the law.  Nevertheless, I agreed to go to water aerobics because I could use this for leverage the next time I wanted to go on a golf trip. So in a couple of days, I walked in the Y, flashed my ID, and for the next hour, was SOL.  I changed, went outside, and was greeted by a swimming pool chocked full of people. It looked like Gu
Read more

Joe Willie, Finebaum, And Me

Image
  When my cell phone rang, the name on the screen flashed Paul Finebaum. This wasn't an unusual occurrence because I had been writing jokes for Paul to use at his many speaking engagements.   We also occasionally ate lunch together.   No death threats please - I like Paul. While I don’t always care for his schtick, I know he’s not like his radio persona.  For example, once during a conversation, I told him how much I liked Pat Conroy, the great southern author. A few weeks later, Paul called me and said, “I’ve got Conroy on the show tomorrow. Why don’t you come up and meet him?  You can talk to him during the commercial breaks.”  An act of kindness I’ve never forgotten.   I digress. Unusual call or not, my curiosity was piqued. I picked up my cell, and after some chit-chat, Finebaum told me why he phoned.  “You know about that charity roast of me coming up in a couple of weeks?”  Of course I knew. The airwaves had been hawking it for over a month.  “Well, I just got just got
Read more

Field of Screams

Image
If it had happened today, it would have been a major sports story - no, a major news story.   There would have been iPhone videos on the nightly news, and commentary on ESPN. Paul Finebaum’s callers would have been obsessed with it.   Coaches would have been fired, and lawsuits filed. Someone may have even been publicly flogged.   But none of that happened in 1968.   It went unnoticed, unless you were one of the players on the football field when it happened. They remember it the same way people remember where they were when Kennedy was shot. It was spring of my freshman year at Huffman High.   The school was brand new, so new, it didn’t have juniors and seniors. Just a freshman and a sophomore class. That meant when we had spring training for football, it was a small, inexperienced group that was participating.    And for whatever reason, we thought it was supposed to be fun.   It was a game, right?   Weren’t games played for fun?   Wrong. This was the heyday of Bear Bryant
Read more