Drones Fell On Alabama

 

I recently saw another news special about the drone sightings over New Jersey. It’s scary; however, it’s not the first time there were unidentified objects over a metropolitan area. In the late 70s, lots of people in Birmingham periodically saw strange lights in the sky. I know because I’m the one that did it.  

I have to make a confession: UFO‘s have always fascinated me. Maybe that’s because I watched The Day The Earth Stood Still when I was a kid, and it scared the bejeezus out of me. Scared or not, I would frequently buy UFO  magazines with my allowance.  

In fact, I can still remember one of the articles I read 60 years ago. It told readers how to make fake UFOs using   dry cleaning bags, birthday candles, and drinking straws. Supposedly, they

would drift high in the air with an unearthly glow. For whatever reason, that stuck with me. Maybe it’s because boys like the idea of making something that flies.  

Years went by, and this nonsense was forgotten until one day when my wife Carol brought home supplies for our young son’s birthday party. Among the items on our kitchen table were tiny candles and plastic straws. And when I walked in the house with my dry cleaning and hung the bag over a kitchen chair, my inner child began yelling,“Hey! Remember the  UFOs?  Everything we need to build one’s right here!”

I smiled and nodded. Listening to my inner child oftentimes got me in trouble, but  usually it was lots of  fun!  I immediately began grabbing  candles and straws.  However, when I took the plastic bag off the clothes and headed downstairs, I heard another voice.  

It was Carol, who sharply asked,”What in the world are you doing?”

I gave her the standard husband reply. 

“Nothing.”   

“Then why are you going to the basement with all of that?” 

“I’m doing an experiment. It’s nothing, really.”

She rolled her eyes and said, “Oh, I’m sure of that.” 

Ignoring her sarcastic comment, I disappeared down the stairs.  After a bit of tinkering, I managed to jerry-rig straws and candles to the bottom of the bag.  It looked like a big plastic amoeba.  “This is never gonna work.”  I thought. “Have faith,” my inner child responded. 

I took this contraption outside and began lighting the candles that were positioned on the straws. Soon, the bag billowed from the warm air. 

My inner child giggled and said, “This sucker’s gonna fly!”

And it did.  The bag  floated out of my hands as softly as a butterfly, and drifted about 20 feet over my head before it gently descended. 

Eureka!  I grabbed the balloon, and  immediately headed down the street to my best friend Richard’s house. He loved immature shenanigans like this. That’s why my inner child and his inner child were best buddies. Within a half hour, the balloon had been reengineered. 

Satisfied with the improvements, we took it to a nearby playground for a test flight.  

To our delight, the balloon climbed high in the air, with the plastic bag reflecting an eerie light from the candles. My mind raced with possibilities. 

The next day, Richard’s ping pong table became an assembly line. We began mass producing balloons  that could fly hundreds of feet in the air for almost 10 minutes. 

Our wives were not amused. They actually saw this as a complete waste of time!  I’m sure the Wright Brothers also faced this kind of resistance. 

The following Saturday evening our spouses ordered us to stop the aerial foolishness and run to the grocery store. That was fine with us because my inner child came up with an idea that would make our trip worthwhile. Before we got in Richard’s truck, I grabbed a freshly assembled balloon.     

It was Saturday night and the shopping center was buzzing. Every every store was packed full of people. Richard and I wisely bought our groceries first, then pulled behind the store. I hopped out of the truck with the balloon. In less than a minute, our little UFO was lit and slowly rising in the sky, preparing to wreak havoc on the unsuspecting earthlings.  

A surreal scene greeted us when we pulled back around front.  It looked like time had been frozen. Traffic completely stopped. People with shopping carts were staring at the sky and pointing. We began laughing uncontrollably. 

In a stroke of comedic genius, Richard took our prank to the next level. He pulled up to a couple, and began questioning them about the mystery in the sky. 

“Hey, what is that thing?”, Richard asked the earthling staring at the object, now a couple hundred feet in the air. 

He pointed and replied, “I dunno.  It came from over there.  Maybe it’s a weather balloon.” 

Richard would have none of that. “No, it’s not one of those.  I know what they look 

like.  Weather balloons don’t glow.   Look at those tiny little engines.  Maybe it’s one of them UFOs.”  

The earthling agreed, saying, “Could be.  It ain’t making a sound.  Maybe it’s somethin’ the military’s testing.” 

His wife, standing beside him, spoke up, saying, “Well, whatever it is, I think it’s scary for an object to just appear out of nowhere like that.”   

I turned my head to cover my face.  If I had so much as made eye contact with Richard, we both would’ve burst out laughing.  

All the while, the balloon was climbing higher. Within minutes, little fireballs began to fall.  The man pointed again, and said, “Hey, look!  Look!  It’s shootin’ somethin’!”

We knew it was just little globs of molten plastic. This always happened when the candles began to burn the straws.  Naturally, everyone else thought it was  something more sinister.  And as if on cue, the second he spoke, the balloon flickered and went out, vanishing in the night sky. 

The wide eyed earthling was stunned. “Did ya’ll see that?”, he said loudly. It’s gone! That thang just went into hyperspace!”  

Me and my inner child were both laughing uncontrollably. 

Fast forward almost 60 years. Last night, I took my 12 year-old granddaughter to dinner, and one of the topics of conversation were  the New Jersey drones. We had no more begun the discussion when she said, “Granddaddy, do you think they’re like those hot air balloons you and Richard flew over the grocery store? 

I smiled and answered, “I don’t know. Maybe somebody had that same UFO magazine as I did.”

I’m sure I heard my inner child laughing. 

#drones#dronesovernewjersey#ufofakes