Honk If You’ve Lost Your Car

  


Hey! It’s hard to believe that this is my 200th blog. As I looked over my writing for the last few years, I noticed that many of them had a common theme, namely me doing something stupid. This one is no exception. Read on. 


I own a red Chevrolet pick up truck. When I bought it a few years ago, I decided that it would be a good idea to buy a bright color. That’s because on more than one occasion, I couldn’t find my old truck, a silver Toyota, at the local Piggly Wiggly. When you lose a vehicle in a small grocery store parking lot, it’s time to make some life changes. 


Of course, misplacing your car for a few minutes at the Pig is nothing compared to my lost car episode in Minnesota.  


During my sales career, I would fly into a city, and upon landing, head to the rental car desk, and always request a Ford Taurus. When you’re on the road, a little familiarity is a source of comfort. And I had rented so many Tauruses for so long I was familiar with all of the controls in the car.  Believe me, nothing was worse than a rental you didn’t know how to operate. Once Hertz gave me a free upgrade to a Jaguar. It was cool driving around in a Jag all week, but I was miserable because I couldn't operate the air conditioning or the radio. 


I always cringed when Hertz gave me a silver-colored Taurus. That’s because back in their heyday, there were more silver Tauruses on the road than there were Baptists in Alabama.  A moment’s inattention in a parking lot could result in a misplaced car.  


And that is exactly what happened to me in, of all places,   The Mall of America. For those of you that don’t know, this retail behemoth in Minneapolis is one of the largest shopping malls in the world. It’s so big that it even has an amusement park in the middle. As you might expect, the MOA has a number of large parking decks, giving a person who didn’t pay attention, a great opportunity to misplace their car. And that’s what I did. 


Keep in mind this was before we had phones that easily took photos or dropped pins on your location. For the most part, I was on my on. 


Honestly, I thought that I knew where the car was. Really. I made a mental note of which store was connected to the deck and a couple of hours later returned and crossed into the parking world.  However, since my arrival, night had fallen, so everything looked different. So I begin walking and looking for a silver Ford Taurus - and I found quite a few. It’s amazing how many silver Ford Tauruses were parked there. Did Ford make this stupid car in any other color?  I went up and down several levels while clicking the remote, hoping to see some friendly flashing tail lights. Nothing. 


Soon, I began using the emergency horn button, hoping my wayward rental car would answer. Silence.  Soon I was frantically squeezing it, thinking that pushing it harder  might make it work better. What an idiot I was.  


Just as I was beginning to believe I was going to spend the rest of my life eating at the food court, I heard the horn. “At last!”, I thought. “Let’s head to the hotel.”But, it wasn't that easy. Because of the concrete and open spaces, the acoustics made it impossible for me to determine where the sound was coming from. This was becoming a Twilight Zone episode. I frantically kept looking up and down until I saw a beacon of hope. A mall security vehicle pulled up beside me. 


“Can’t find your car?”, a friendly voice asked. 


“Well, I… uh, no”, I replied sheepishly. 


“Happens all the time.  Hop in. We’ll find it.  What kind of car is it?  


“A silver Ford Taurus.”


He frowned. “Oh, Lord, one of those.  Well, roll down the window and keep pressing the FOB key”


It was obvious he had done this before. We found my starting point and he began cruising slowly, up one level and down another. In a few minutes, I saw the flashing tail lights.


He smiled and said,”The acoustics of this place makes it hard for the signal from your remote to hit the car unless you’re right on it.”


“Thanks,” I replied. “That’s good to know. I really appreciate it.”  Then I had another dilemma. Do I tip him?  What do you tip a guy who finds your car?  I had just wasted ninety minutes of my life. I pulled out a ten. I was so relieved I would’ve given him a fifty. 


He saw the money and shook his head. “I don’t need that.  It’s my job. Glad to help.”


“Thanks.”


He smiled and responded  . “But, the next time you rent a Taurus, you might want to ask for a red one.” 








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