Mimi & The Scooter Of Death

Do not let the photograph fool you. This is a dangerous woman. And I should’ve known. I mean, I know a bad omen when I see one. Why didn’t I pay attention? Maybe it was because we were on vacation with the grandkids, but when the people at  Disney World rented my wife Carol an electric scooter with the number 3 on the back, I should have immediately made the connection between her and Dale Earnhardt. In case you don’t know,  Earnhardt, aka The Intimidator, was a legendary NASCAR driver who loved the bumps, scrapes and spin-outs of stock car racing. Some people accused him of racing dirty, a claim he actually embraced. And my wife drove the same way when she got behind the wheel of her electric scooter when we were at Walt Disney World. 

The list of her park mishaps was quite extensive. On the first day, she ran over my foot, my son’s foot, and nearly backed into a whole group of people.  For good measure, she misjudged her stopping distance and bumped into an unsuspecting couple waiting in line on a ride. But the highlight of the day, and perhaps the whole trip, was when she took a turnstile too fast and caught a big chain on her arm rest, nearly jerking the chair off the frame of the scooter. It took two Disney employees to get her untangled. I almost hyperventilated from laughing so hard. If I had been lucky enough to video the whole episode, I have no doubt it would’ve gone viral. And I had the perfect title: MiMi’s Epic Theme Park Scooter Fail. My son, seizing a potential opportunity to birth an internet sensation, began recording her every time she got on a ride. The Intimidator would be proud.  

That evening, she drank a Pina Colada at dinner, and I feared that it might further impair her scooter driving abilities. I can’t say that it did, but she did bang the cart into a trash can while trying to leave the restaurant. You be the judge. 

I’m not surprised that Carol can’t drive a scooter because she can’t even operate a car very well. Our friends have known this for a while. For example, if we are ever taking anyone anywhere, most of them beg me to get behind the wheel. One of my buddies told me that being in the back seat when Carol is driving is like being in the hold of an old wooden sailing ship. People get motion sickness when she starts drifting back and forth across the road. How could someone like this handle an electric three wheeler?  

My plantar fasciitis  began hurting so bad from all the walking that my son suggested  I get an electric scooter. I declined. There was no way I was going to risk swapping paint with Mimi the Intimidator.  On subsequent days, she had a few more close calls, including scaring a group of European tourists half to death and narrowly missing a kid that ran in front of her. I said a prayer of thanks when Carol finally returned the scooter before we checked out of the hotel. Disney World was safe once again, and we avoided an international incident. 

And by the time we left, I had  learned to how to apologize in 5 different languages. 

#waltdisneyworld

#mimicantdrive

#electricscooters

#scooterofdeath